Manataka American Indian Council





Grandfather Robert Gray Hawk Coke Speaks

September 2010







What a wonderful emotion of love! Everyone wants this feeling of intimacy with all that it encompasses. So if we want intimacy, why don’t we have it?


The question is, “Why can’t we find intimacy?” Maybe because so many of us are afraid of it. I have been told that to give intimacy is be totally vulnerable.  I ask, “Why we are so protective. Why is the subject so frightening to us?” Some authors I have read say it may be the single most frightening thing we face.


The effect of being totally intimate is to be totally unprotected- emotionally, physically and psychically. If you are completely open with your heart, it is only natural that you rely on the other person to react in kind. Do you really trust the other person? Is the other person being totally truthful with you? If not, you are defenseless and vulnerable. This leads to the fear that you will be hurt in ways no other person could hurt you.


The “Ink Spots” recorded, “You Always Hurt the One You Love.” We often push the loved one away in some creative, hurtful way. Every time we lie to hide our “nakedness,” we are telling the other person, “I don’t trust you.” That further weakens the painstaking building of the bond between the two of you.


We are so afraid of hurting others and of being hurt, that we do the very thing guaranteed to destroy what we love and have. Each time we lie or act negatively, we “put another nail in the coffin” for our relationship, either covertly or overtly.


Yet, remember we have been taught that we should think and know we are all “ONE”. We are to be like the Creator as much as possible, meaning to live with unconditional love at all times. Then we would not have any worries or fears of intimacy.


The paradox of being totally naked, vulnerable, and intimate is that we are also totally potent. In reality, we cannot hurt or be hurt unless we choose to be. In order to be intimate with someone else, we must first be totally naked, vulnerable, and intimate with ourselves.


Do we trust ourselves or not? That is the ultimate question.  Do we trust that we can handle whatever comes our way, or will we run from the responsibility to the darkest cave and hide in fear and ignorance? The decision is up to each one of us.


I have learned that a great deal of what we fear in others is really what we fear inside of ourselves. When we project that feeling to the other person, then it is easier to handle. Many of us have a hard time handling what is inside of ourselves.


Have you ever thought about how intimacy really sounds?   –INTO ME SEE. Look into yourself and see.



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