Manataka® American Indian Council
Grandfather Robert Gray Hawk Coke Speaks
I AM BACK
Perhaps, dear readers, you have decided I was on vacation or pursuing an academic search for more material to write about. Oh, how I wish that had been true. Instead I was being held hostage at home with the largest “Honey Do” list of my life. It began pretty simple, and then just grew and grew and grew.
It is my hope that as I share my surprise journey, you will recognize a similar experience in your own life. Over a year ago, my lovely mate pointed out to me that our lodge (house) was in serious need of major repairs. She also pointed out that I could do all of the repairs, and our only cost would be for materials. Does this sound familiar to you men? Although I knew some of the repairs would need to be done by much younger workers, I agreed to her plan. That was my first mistake.
My search for a reputable contractor to do the few things I was not comfortable doing because of my strength and age led me to a man who was agreeable to helping me out with major things, like the new roof. Everything looked good. Then the work began, and I’m sure you can guess what we set in motion for the past year. We have dealt with delays caused by jobs before ours getting stalled, repairs we had not planned for, changes in HUD rules and money flow, not to mention making sure the work was done properly and finding someone to finish when a worker just walked off the job one day.
You will certainly understand when I tell you my patience and energy went down and my blood pressure went up. The truth is that the actual project became much larger and complex than we had anticipated. I must confess, there were many days I did not have a joyful heart. Most of my energy was spent helping move the project forward. Both of us wanted the work done, but by now, we just wanted it all to be finished.
Most desperately, I wanted my life back. I missed sharing with you each month, but the chaos of remodeling exhausted me to the point that I could not write, even at night when the house was quiet. I did start several times, but my thoughts would not cooperate. Finally, Spirit reminded me that I am human, not super-human.
So here I am now, checking back in with all of you. I’m thinking that it’s possible that many of you can recognize a similar stress in your life this past year. So, what is to be learned from these times? I decided it was time for me to just “Let go and trust the workings of Spirit in my life.”
©Robert Gray Hawk, June 2010
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