Manataka® American Indian Council





Grandfather Speaks






Healing With Love Part 3

By Robert Gray Hawk Coke


How does a person safely celebrate one’s loving Spirit and Soul? It is  easy when the process is understood and practiced.


First, you must know the difference between sexuality and sensuality. We will only talk about Sensuality here. There is absolutely no place in this interaction for sexuality.


Here are the fast rules you must follow.


A. The expression of love must never be a sexual play.


B. Have a clear open heart without selfish intent when touching another person.


C. You must receive permission before touching another.


D. Permission may be granted in several ways. Smiles, open arms, expression in the face and eyes are  all common ways of communicating receptiveness.  Of course, the most definite permission is the spoken word.


E. The love given must be pure and be given unconditionally. My definition of pure love is “love given before it goes through your own filters.”


F. Expect "nothing" in return. This is your crucial test.


Women are more comfortable than men in speaking complimentary words to others . This is good but it is not celebrating or sharing love to the Spirit/Soul of the person. Our goal is to find something about the Spirit/Soul to celebrate. Women are comfortable commenting on the appearance of a person, room or table, while men tend to comment on one’s performance or on cars, sports, or the economy. What many do not understand is that while all compliments touch and nurture the soul, the Spirit/Soul needs more direct acknowledgement.


An example would be,  telling the gentleman who keeps the public restroom clean what a good job he is doing, even if he needs some improvement. I do not mean to throw the words at him as I walk past. It takes less than a moment to stop, look him in the eye, ( it is said, the eyes are the windows to the soul) and tell him what a good job he is doing. Then leave before he has a chance to say something.  I have had friends who were present later tell me how my statement of appreciation changed the man’s entire appearance. One time I remember the gentleman had tears in his eyes before I could leave the area. I know it is worth more than the moment of time it took.


Acknowledgement is a powerful expression to give and to receive.


While most people express love to another Spirit/Soul with words, many use physical contact and give hugs.


Kalili, the Hawaiian Huna said, if you are going to give a person a hug, give a real hug as if you meant it. The puritan type of hug, where you make contact from the shoulders up, is not a hug. Kalili teaches it should be a full body hug, one that states you mean the pure love this hug represents. However, the hug must be only an open expression of pure unconditional love. Sending out any sexual energy is inappropriate and unacceptable. It is the responsibility of both parties to show this openness, comfort, and safety before this emotion is exchanged.  Ladies, especially,  should know that they do not have to accept physical contact unless they feel comfortable and totally  safe with the other person. Both men and women can recognize selfish intent and not accept it.


To be continued…


Gray Hawk



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Robert Gray Hawk King Coke, 77, Cherokee, is the newest member of the Manataka Elder Council. Coke graduated from the New Mexico Military Institute in 1952 with a biology degree. He served in the U.S. Army with a tour in Europe.


After returning home, Robert Coke, entered pre-seminary school Austin College with a major in Philosophy.  He continued his education by earning a degree in Bachelor of Science in Engineering and a Bachelor of Business Administration at Southern Methodist University where he later served on the faculty as an instructor. In 1996, Elder Coke was elected Chairman, of the American Indian Heritage Association and served as an ambassador for the American Indian Center of Dallas. Gray Hawk is now a semi-retired consultant.





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