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Manataka American Indian Council
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TOP 10 THINGS AMERICAN INDIANS
CAN SAY TO A WHITE PERSON
1. How much white are you?
2. I am part white myself, you know.
3. I learned your peoples ways in the Boy Scouts.
4. My great-great grandmother was a full-blood white
princess.
5. Funny, you do not look white.
6. Where is your powered wig and knickers?
7. Do you live in a covered wagon?
8. What is the meaning behind the square dance?
9. What is your feeling about river boat casinos? Do
casinos help your people, or are they a short-term fix?
10. Hey, can I take your picture?
10
THINGS YOU WILL NOT HEAR INDIANS SAY:
1. Dang, it's gonna rain and I just waxed my car.
2. No, I don't feel like going snagging tonight.
3. You can't feed that to the dog!
4. No thanks we're vegetarians.
5. No thanks I don't want any fry bread.
6. Do you think my hair is too long?
7. Trim the fat off that steak.
8. The tires on that truck are too big.
9. Yes officer, I have my license, registration and
insurance
right here.
10. Commodities? What's that?
Do you know what the mamma buffalo said to her son as he was leaving?
Bye Son.
Do you know what the old Indian man said when his puppy ran off a cliff?
Doggone.
INDIANS - 10 CARDINALS - 0
About a century or two ago, the Pope
decided that all the Indians had to leave Italy. Naturally there was a big
uproar from the Indian community. So the Pope made a deal. He would have a
debate with a member of the Indian community. If the Indian won, the Indians
could stay. If the Pope won, the Indians would leave. The Indians realized that
they had no choice. So they picked a middle aged man named Santu to represent
them. Santu asked for one addition to the debate. To make it more interesting,
neither side would be allowed to talk. The Pope agreed.
The day of the great debate came. Santu and the Pope sat opposite each other for
a full minute before the Pope raised his hand and showed three fingers, Santu
looked back at him and raised one finger.
The Pope waved his fingers in a circle around his head. Santu pointed to the
ground where he sat. The Pope pulled out a wafer and a glass of wine.
Santu
pulled out an apple.
The Pope stood up and said, "I give up. This man is too good. The Indians
can stay."
An hour later, the cardinals were all around the Pope asking him what had
happened. The Pope said, "First I held up three fingers to represent the
trinity. He responded by holding up one finger to remind me that there was still
one God common to all religions. Then I waved my finger around me to show him
that God was all around us. He responded by pointing to the ground and showing
that God was also right here with us. I pulled out the wine and wafer to show
that God absolves us from our sins. He pulled out an apple to say there is
no such thing as original sin. He had an answer for everything. What could I do?
Meanwhile, the Indian community had crowded around Santu. "What
happened?" they asked. "Well" said Santu , "First he said to
me that the Indians had three days to get out of here. I told him that not one
of us was leaving. Then he told me that this whole city would be cleared of
Indians. I let him know that we were staying right here."
"Yes, yes,.. and then???" asked the crowd.
"I don't know", said Santu , "He took out his lunch, and I took out
mine!"
" PROUD TO BE AN INDIAN "
First grade teacher explains to her class that she is an American. She asks her students to raise their hands if they were American too.
Not
really knowing why but wanting to be like their teacher, their hands explode
into the air like flashy fireworks.
There is, however, one exception. A girl named Gita has not gone along with the crowd.
The teacher asks her why she has decided to be different.
"Because I am not an American." replied Gita.
"Then", asks the teacher, "What are you?"
"I'm a proud Indian," boasts the little girl.
The teacher is a little perturbed now, her face slightly red.
She asks Gita why she is an Indian.
"Well, my mom and dad are Indians, so I'm an Indian too."
The teacher is now angry . "That's no reason", she says loudly "if your mom was an idiot, and your dad was an idiot, what would you be then?"
A pause, and a smile. "Then" says Gita, "I'd be an American."